It's 3am. All day long you didn't think about the bills you have to pay, the car that's been 6 months past maintenance, or that screenshot you sent to the wrong person. But the second your head touches the pillow, these thoughts rush 1000 mph. Intrusive thoughts that showed up with no warning and no invitation. And we already know there's nothing worse than a guest you didn't invite. That guest arrived, and arrived loud, and shows no sign of leaving anytime soon.
If this happens to you several nights a week, I have good news. This isn't a personality problem (like when you ask yourself, what's wrong with me?). Quite the opposite: once you learn what it is and why it happens, everything makes more sense, and you get more power over it, and over changing it.
Cortisol Forgot the Clock
In our previous blog on why you wake up at 3 am we talked a bit about cortisol and how it rises during our last hours of sleep, around 3am. However, studies have found that in most people who deal with chronic anxiety, cortisol doesn't necessarily follow the biological clock: it stays elevated, which puts the body on alert even when it should be winding down. This throws off melatonin, the hormone in charge of kicking off our sleep, and can delay it.
The Prefrontal Cortex Clocked Out Hours Ago
For anyone not familiar with the prefrontal cortex, think of it as the logical part of the brain, the one that puts the brakes on impulses and keeps things in perspective. The amygdala, on the other hand, is that fire alarm that sometimes goes off without any actual fire. What usually happens is that your prefrontal cortex needs to recharge by the end of the day, and the more tired you get, the less logical and reasonable you are. The amygdala, meanwhile, runs 24/7, because its job is to detect threats. Studies estimate the amygdala becomes up to 60% more reactive to negative stimuli when a person is sleep deprived, with less connection to the rational part of the brain, the one that's able to tell a false alarm from real danger.
Distractions? Please.
To make things worse, distractions at night tend to shrink. You, your bed, silence, closed eyes. It's a huge shift from daytime, when you're constantly distracted by work, school, friends, family, TV, and when none of that's around, your phone. Distraction usually helps dissolve ruminating thoughts, which feels great in the moment. But sometimes distraction is really just avoidance. When you have thoughts you need to process and never give yourself the space to do it during the day, your brain is going to do it the moment you're no longer distracted, and that usually happens, guess when, when you go to bed. Does it all make more sense now?
Anxiety and Sleep Are in a Toxic Relationship
But it doesn't stop there. Anxiety and sleep feed off each other. On one hand, anxiety interferes with falling asleep; and once you're sleep deprived (whether from going many hours without sleep or from sleeping too little), your brain has a harder time regulating fear, which makes anxiety worse. Around 90% of people diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder also report sleep problems.
That loop is exactly what turns a few rough nights into something that sticks around. If you want to see how that happens step by step, I broke it down in why insomnia happens and the 3P model.
Okay, So What Do I Do About Anxiety at Night?
Anxiety that keeps you up is a loop, which means improving your sleep cycle is one of the most effective ways to break insomnia. Here are a few things you can try:
- Wind-down routine: set aside 30 to 60 minutes before bed for relaxing activities that help your nervous system feel safe and ready to sleep.
- To-do list: close out your day by writing down what you need to do tomorrow. If thoughts about tasks tend to show up in the middle of the night, keep pen and paper by your bed and write them down right there.
- Schedule worry time: if you can't sleep because you're worried about something, block off time in your day just for worrying. If the problem has a solution, you'll find it more easily the next day; and if it doesn't, lying awake turning it over in your head isn't going to give you one either.
- Only get into bed when you're actually drowsy and ready to sleep: I know, I sound like a broken record, but it's one of the most effective techniques out there.
Having anxiety and insomnia doesn't mean you have to live with them. There's a way out. Don't live in the loop. You deserve so much more.
If the nights keep looking like this, you don't have to figure it out alone. I work with adults on exactly this in anxiety therapy and therapy for insomnia, in English and Spanish.
